kanad
kanad
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sOME THOUGHTS OF LOVE & MARRIAGE
«on:
02/21/04 at 10:31:44 » |
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Some Thoughts on Love and Marriage
· A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
· A happy marriage is a matter of give and take. The husband gives and the wife takes ... Or is it the other way around?
· A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
· A man advertised in the classifieds, "Wife wanted." Next day, he received 100 letters. They all said, "You can have mine."
· A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
· A man complained about having had two unhappy marriages. His first wife divorced him and his second wife wouldn't.
· A man discovered his credit card had been stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
· A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks. A woman loses hers after four kisses. H. L. Mencken, 1880-1956
· A man may be a fool and not know it -- but not if he is married. H. L. Mencken, 1880-1956
· A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
· A man who says marriage is a 50%-50% proposition doesn't understand two things:
1. Women
2. Fractions
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
· A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
· A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
· A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
· A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
· A woman said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." He answered, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
· A woman yelled at her husband, "I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!" He replied, "You should've known how stupid I was the minute I asked you to marry me!"
· A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her ... A man, of the woman who didn't.
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
· Abstain from wine, women, and song -- mostly song.
· According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is ... they're a bunch of liars.
· Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
· All men are animals. Some just make better pets.
· All men are idiots and I married their King.
· Any married man should forget his mistakes -- no use in two people remembering the same thing.
· At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
· Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'y' becomes silent.
· Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.
· Best way to get a man to do something: Suggest he is too old for it.
· Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Oscar Wilde
· Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.
· Do you believe in love at first sight ... or should I walk by you again?
· Do you know the best way for a guy to impress a girl at the gym? The best way is to do pull-ups ... pull up in a Corvette, pull up in a Rolls-Royce, pull up in a Cadillac ...
· Don't imagine you can change a man ... unless he's in diapers.
· Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
· Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
· First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
· For 40 years my wife and I never talked to one another. Then one night the TV broke down and I discovered she could only speak German.
· Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
· God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
· Guys have feelings, too. But, like ... who cares?
· Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
· How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
· Husband and cat lost ... Reward for cat.
· Husbands should come with instructions.
· I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time," she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
· I bought my wife one of those new mood rings. When she's in a good mood, it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead.
· I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
· I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
· I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months ... I don't like to interrupt her.
· I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her.
· I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
· I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
· I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she usually gives me.
· I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
· If it is not Valentine's day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"
· If the effort that went into research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
· If they put a man on the moon ... they should be able to put them all up there.
· If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
· If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose which to save ... would you go to lunch or to a movie?
· If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
· I'm happily married ... but my wife isn't.
· In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
· It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
· It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
· It was not the apple on the tree, but the pair on the ground, that caused the trouble in the garden.
· It wasn't actually a divorce -- I was traded.
· Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
· Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
· Love is grand.
Divorce is about 10 grand.
· Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.
· Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. H. L. Mencken, 1880-1956
· Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
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jao_ba
jao_ba
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Re: sOME THOUGHTS OF LOVE & MARRIAGE
«on:
02/25/04 at 10:21:56 » |
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bah. chomotkar. bhalau jugar korchho. keu ektu tarif-o korlo na otodin. |
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