marriage dowry abolish or continue




   Author  Topic: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?    
 
babla
Guest
marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 01/23/02 at 08:25:45 »		   
As we r now in the 21st century, Should demanding of dowry b abolished by social pressure, or should this tradition be kept alive for future generations? What do you say folks? Women please also contribute.  
 
Shamim
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 01/23/02 at 09:15:06 »		   
A good topic babla, dowry is responsible for hundreds of women being murdered every year by their greedy husbands and in-laws. Millions of women and their parents suffer from this inhuman practise. It makes females liability to their parents.
Some bride fathers have to resort to selling their kidneys to meet the cost! If we are to progress and save women’s lives, then this practise must cease to exist, only it will be successful if society scorns this practise, otherwise, it will last a very long time. Don’t these grooms and their parents, who demand dowry, feel shame & don’t they understand the hardship and the suffering, they cause to women and their families.
 
 
babla
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 01/25/02 at 03:31:49 »		   
I agree with u on this shamim, but am surprised no one else replied, probably the rest  is hapy with the present practice.  
 
ZAMAN
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 01/29/02 at 00:56:43 »		   
THANX TO MR BABLA &  MR SHAMIM FOR BRINGING THIS TOPIC IN NET. I AGREE BOTH OF UR VIEWS. REALLY IT HAS BECOME POISONOUS IN SOCEITY ITS LIKE CANCER. WE PEAOPLE SHOULD COME FORWARD TO ABOLISH THIS. AS WE KNOW THE GOVERNMENTS & MANY SOCIAL ORGANISATION HAVE TAKEN VARIOUS MEASURES TO ABOLISH THIS PRACTICE. DESPITE ALL THESE STILL THIS PRACTICE ARE CONTINUING. IF I M NOT WRONG I THINK IT HAS BECOME NOW A  FASHION . AS WE KNOW WE R LIVING IN 21st CENTURY .EVERY PEOPLR ARE TAKING GOOD EDUCATION .SO MY VIEW IS THAT ' DONT GIVE DOWRY & DONT TAKE DOWRY".
IF WE PEOPLE TRY TO STOPPED THIS PRACTICE  I M SURE AUTOMATICALLY THE DISEASE LIKE DOWRY WILL REMOVE FROM OUR SOCEITY.BESIDES THIS IF ANY GREEDY PEOPLE TRY TO TAKE THIS DOWRY WE SOHULD KEEP THEM ALONE FROM SOCEITY.WE SHOULD NOT CONTINUE ANY RELATION
WITH THEM. SO EVERYTHING IS IN OUR HAND TO STOPPED THIS  EVIL  PRACTICE.  
 
Aakash
Aakash
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 01/29/02 at 11:30:41 »		   
Hi !!
Babla It's a very good topic. I am agreed with Shamim & Zaman. Shamim passes good comments on all the topics. Babla it's not like that the others are happy with the system of Dowry it's only question of time to reply everybody doesn't have free net browsing facility like us. I am also strictly against the statement "Giving Dowry & Taking Dowry" but I am sorry Bablaji this is very dirty part of our social system, I cannot say It is exactly  a social system but best way it can be said as a fored system. Some one makes others bound to give Dowry. This dirty system should be immediately removed from the society, which brings unhappiness to lot's of families since from the day beginning of the married life.Already described by Shamim. I don't know when & how this will be removed from the society. But as an individual I can say that I will not ask for any Dowry, atleast this contribution I can give to the society from my side about the others it very difficuly to say. I have styayed in major cities of India, even I have seen there are rates like Docotr *** Engineer ***Teacher *** Especially in some states of our country. At the best we can do is that we should fingure us first against the system later on  others will learn from us. It's really a very dark chapter of the 21st century. We have make ourselves advanced in IT field but regarding the Dowry system we are continuing the old system. I will say this is the worst thing that makes the married women's life miserable. Every one should come together to eliminate the sytem of Dowry from the root itself.  
 
Shamim
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 01/30/02 at 10:03:06 »		   
Pleased to read positive and passionate views gentlemen.  Aakash: how is life in Bengalore? Can you tell me what are the “rates of dowry”  for Doctors and Engineers over there. I am fascinated to hear.

Yes, people like your self and Zaman should be an example to society and hope others would follow.  :)
  
 
Raj1
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 01/30/02 at 22:10:24 »		   
How prevelent is dowary in Silchar?  
 
Aakash
Aakash
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 02/01/02 at 05:24:38 »		   
Hi ! Shamim First of I would like to say that I am not from Bangalore, From Pune only. As far as the rates are concerned I had heard from my Friends those belongs to Southern part of our country, the Dowry rates are very high in those areas. Like Doctors & Engineers will get 2/3 Lacks & Some grams of Gold,Teacher will get a little less….. As compared to the Indian economy it is too much. I am not in a position to explain how people are managing the same system. I AM VERY SURE IN SILCHAR THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE.
Bye for today… Continue posting....
8) 8) 8)  
 
nazia
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 02/01/02 at 08:32:23 »		   
    babla its good that ur concerned about dowry problems faced by women and above all her family. but u can contribute more not just by discussing this problem in maha adda  but  by trying convincing those eligible guys u know not to accept dowry.and that each each one of us can do .  
 
babla
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 02/04/02 at 06:57:10 »		   
Madam nazia,
I  m surprised that y r the only woman contributed. You don’t need to tell me what I should do, for your information I have already spoken to eligible bachelors about not accepting dowry. I thought a woman would post this topic in maha adda, but I think they are 2 busy with their make up. It is sad that many men continue 2 demand dowry.  
 
nazia
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 02/10/02 at 00:26:44 »		   
babla
            I wasn't  telling u but i was suggesting the idea not only for u but for all those who r really interested in this topic and want to do something about it.
and  its nice to know that u have already talked to eligible guys regarding dowry .
   did u watched the movie "LAJJA" ,i really liked the way the bride (mahima)  deal with the dowry problem and i think that should be the spirit.  
 
Rupam
Rupam
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 02/10/02 at 04:45:32 »		   
sad enough that we still have to discuss this social evil...dowry...huh! one doesnt deserve a pat on the back at this age when one says 'I am not going to accept dowry'...thats the least one should do...if one has even a tinge of self respect, he should be opposed to any kind of gratifications...be it dowry, or be it other monetary gratifications that one does not deserve...you get someone to run half your lives when you marry...what more can you ask? who cares if one is an engineer or a doctor...who cares if one is an mba...if an academically qualified person cannot get himself to come to terms with this fact that dowry is an evil...deeply enervated into our social system...if one cannot get himself to twist the fetters of this evil...then I believe he should be stripped of all other social rights...commiting an evil makes one a malefactor...a criminal...and as such one should be dealt with severity...no leniency
     I know of some very educated people, alien degrees, alien mannerisms...fair enough...all those accepted...even then these people cannot shy themselves away from the rich pleasentries that dowry brings...dowry is rooted...deeply deeply rooted into our social system...yes sirs and m'ams howsoever you might say that this is not possible in Silchar...candidly ask yourself ...and you will conjure up incidents when after returning from the girl nextdoor's marriage...you will hear people say...'tair babay khuub bhal bhala khaat, almira disoin...sofa taa to khuub norom...vurnish taa okhono sukhaise naa...ekdom chokchoke notun...are oi parar samner deb baur meyer biyat dekhsila nii...kii baaje baaje kather sofa are almira ita disla...meyere thokailaison tain...' thats the talkings that normally do the rounds ...even in the most elite circles in Silchar...yes...it does...even the higest echeleon of our society is not free from this...the saddest part is that this has evolved into a kind of status symbol for people from the higher and middle echelons of our society...they can afford to surfeit their kids with loads and loads of gifts just to be one up on the ever vigilant and sarcastic neighbours...and ask them...and they would promptly reply...'arrey ita dahej nay...ita to a token of love for the newly wedded couple'...yes sir...you gully yourself with that....dont try to make others believe that.
     Its not just the new generation....you take a survey of hundred people who have grown with the 90s and seldom you will find one who is willing to not put an end to this social evil...in terms of his not accepting a dowry...but...and this is big...if the women make a lien of actually rubbing shoulders with the men, if the women actually are more educated than the men now...then m'ams...you need to do that at your own home...and I am sure the gentlemen will do that at theirs...but unless you women do tell your parents flat on their faces that you are not going to let yourself awashed with dowry...and that you will take only yourself to your groom's place...things are not going to change much...we are a land of hypocrites...and we say things in the public and do things diametrically opposite in the private...lets get out of this mould for once...this social scathe's end is long overdue...but overnight nothing is possible...if you say it can be changed overnight...I would say you are the most optimistically percieved person on earth...a brisk change is not posible...but what certainley is possible is...we standing resolute in the face of coercion...men and women alike...if we want ourselves to be called morally educated thatis.
seeya around.  
 
tia
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 03/04/02 at 08:16:11 »		   
It makes me laugh to hear you guys saying how damn against you are to dowries...but maybe its your mothers and fathers who need to be taught that this is a medieval action and if they expected payback from bringing you boys up then maybe they should have bought a herd of cows instead that way they would get a return on their investmest instead of putting poor and defenceless women through hell....I think its about time us women put our foot down and asked for dowries instead...after all the guys should be privelleged in getting a ready made wife, mother, cook and breadwinner(nowadays) so why shouldnt they pay for it......  
 
Rupam Das
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 03/04/02 at 08:22:10 »		   
well...that way the tradition would stil;l comtinnue...the idea is not about teaching our parents...its about generating an undercurrent against this...and not thus countering it with the measure stated...rather if empowerment of women is to be channelised...its to be done to enlighten the minds of other women at standing against this...and not just demending dowry instead...what iwe want is a root out of this system ...and not intensifying this with counterdowry...what say m'am?  
 
Debjani
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 04/19/02 at 01:58:34 »		   
Dear Friends,
Well on behalf of this topic I would like 2 say that in this age where boy and girl both are equally responsible for a clean nation, then in marriage why dowry factor arise, is it some sort of ritual that one had 2 go through, no it should be vanished and moreover girls should protest their parents if they are going 2 take such steps.
debjanibiswas@rediffmail.com  
 
Rupashree
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 04/21/02 at 00:47:40 »		   
Dear all,
I appreciate for your broad voice to protect women's right that we are not commodity to sell by my father to some ones father. Truly speaking a very few boys can voice against their father's decision to accept dwary even in 21st century. If you are really understand and feel the root cancer of killing women, please try to convence your parent first to reject the offer of of dwary. I am very sure if every youth of the socety starts from right now, once this system must be abolished.  
 
debjani
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 04/24/02 at 01:32:23 »		   
Hi Rupasree, thanx for rising your voice may all our sisters and friends help themselves against this crime becoz once they start protesting this act with determination I m sure this evil and corrupt act would come 2 an end soon. Best of luck.  
 
Rupashree
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 04/24/02 at 07:31:32 »		   
Hi Devjani,
Thanks for supporting my movement but I want the opinion of my huge boyfriends and young generation from Silchar. No one so far responding to me.
I am calling again to know ur opinion in this issue. Kindly rerspond.  
 
silchari premik
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 04/24/02 at 22:10:41 »		   
Hi Rupashree,

   Nice that you have raised this issue, but I have just a quick question, how many of your friends or relatives had to give dowry for their marriage?Isn't it very rare these days that for a well educated family they don't ask for dowry from girls parents.I would assume your points are valid for those girls who live in far remote villages in and around silchar, cachar and other villages in India and most important those who lives in silchar too but are un-educated.At least I spent quite a long time from very childhood never heard of such dowry issues.

 Correct me if I am wrong with some quantitative analysis.

Regards
sp  
 
babla
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 04/25/02 at 04:10:58 »		   
Nice to c people are taking interest on this topic, after all it effects nearly every Women. Parents need to understand that demanding dowry directly or indirectly is a big crime against women and their familis.
But even if a boy is against dowry, his parents will ask for it, and if he is too troublesome, his parents will kick him out of the house! So we need to educate the parents, who understand the economic benefit of demanding dowry.  
 
Sudipta
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 05/03/02 at 02:03:57 »		   
NO, Babla, I dont think nowadays parents "kick" their sons out of their houses. They cant afford to do that. And even if they do, they will be forced to welcome them back. Its good to educate the parents,  but if they dont agree, I think the boys will have to go against them .Theres simply no other way.  
 
Jotiuu
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 05/18/02 at 04:37:38 »		   
Dowry is still very much prevailent in major parts of the country but I have seen comparatively less cases of DOWRY in North Eastern parts. But in Northern part of the country it is shame fully high. I am based in Delhi and I have seen this is very much in practice here....among the Bangalis also....but as they have got brains they ask for this very artistically....parents starts saving monies right after the birth of the girl child....so we can understand if the so called educated and urban ones will ask for Dowry what will be condition in villages.... this practice leads to female infanticide.....this is a crime and we are the one who can abolish it. Just don't marry some one who asks for ''he he Ekta gari jodi diya dita.....chamber ta khulia dila chela practice korte parto......America jaibar bharata ta....jeta dira shob to apnar meya paibo"  >:(  
 
Debajit
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 05/18/02 at 08:15:51 »		   
The root cause is the upbringing - and the greed. If I say its the so called education, its wrong. It is the thinking that needs to be changed. Not only for the bachelors today, but also for their parents.  This will take time, of course, but if everybody tries and believes that the dowry system should be abolished, then it will be.

We have to raise the voice, against everybody who encourage the system. The women of today should also come forward in this battle.

About the rates - in south, it goes to 20-50 lakhs for the upper cast guys staying abroad.  
 
no name
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 07/09/02 at 12:21:48 »		   
:) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-/ :-* :'(  
 
Rajib (Guest)
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 07/11/02 at 03:51:59 »		   

Associated with the dowry menace, the torture the parents seem to be doling out on the hapless girls.

My observations have been completely to the contrary. It's a menace getting a Sylheti girl into the family - as soon as the girl comes in, after marriage, the tug-o-war begins. The guy gets told not to spend too much money on his brother/sister. Come puja time, the girls says only the best must be sent to her folks - it's ok if the guys parents don't get anything. The guy, caught in between, makes peace with complete inaction.

I have seen it happen across so many families, I wonder whether it is a function of our social conditioning rather than a personal trait of a few specific individuals. Because most people are middle class and haven't seen a surfeit of money ever, they lose their generosity of spirit. And the relationship with the in-laws is always one about fighting for the spoils.  
 
Rajib (Guest)
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 07/11/02 at 03:54:01 »		   

And maybe the girl being peddled like that begins by walking out of the deal!



[quote author=Rupashree link=board=0011&num=1011795946&start=15#15 date=04/21/02 at 00:47:40]
Dear all,
I appreciate for your broad voice to protect women's right that we are not commodity to sell by my father to some ones father. Truly speaking a very few boys can voice against their father's decision to accept dwary even in 21st century. If you are really understand and feel the root cancer of killing women, please try to convence your parent first to reject the offer of of dwary. I am very sure if every youth of the socety starts from right now, once this system must be abolished.
[/quote]  
 
babul kurmi
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 07/13/02 at 14:17:07 »		   
::) Marraige for dowry shit.  
 
Ratna (Guest)
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 07/27/02 at 06:30:47 »		   
Hi:

Though a difficult subject to talk about but in my openion Girls are partly responsible for the continutiaion of dowry system till now.

I just would like to ask the Female gender...........is it absolutely necessary to get married?

Is it worth to put your family through such worries and anguish just to get married and get nothing out of it.

If a person  is not man enough to have you as your partner ............should not we fell sick of such individuals.  
 
Sagnik Chakravartty
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 09/08/02 at 00:43:53 »		   
Dear Debjani,
I fully support your proposition that dowry is not necessary in today's India. Meanwhile, based on my limited knowledge of North-east, I can fully confirm to the fact in Syhllet district, there was no prevalence of dowry.
Men and women are equal.
I strongly suggest that you logonto www.sarai.net and write on such issues in the Reader-list.
Sarai is a media programme of CSDS, based in Delhi.
I regularly contribute to the debate in the Reader-list.
Bye for now
Cheers
Sagnik
(M A Student of Broadcast Journalism (III SEM)
Makhanlal Chaturvedi Rashtriya Patrakarita Vishwavidyalaya
Bhopal's Noida Campus
Residence-
B-62 Gulmohar Park (First Floor)
New Delhi-110049
phone- 6967201
-----------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Debjani link=board=0011&num=1011795946&start=0#14 date=04/19/02 at 01:58:34]
Dear Friends,
Well on behalf of this topic I would like 2 say that in this age where boy and girl both are equally responsible for a clean nation, then in marriage why dowry factor arise, is it some sort of ritual that one had 2 go through, no it should be vanished and moreover girls should protest their parents if they are going 2 take such steps.
debjanibiswas@rediffmail.com
[/quote]  
 
Sagnik Chakravartty
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 09/08/02 at 00:52:17 »		   
Dear Ratna,
You must be aware that syhlet had a great tradition of not having dowry system. So I strongly suggest that syhletti girls like you and many others based in Silchar should have the guts to say no to dowry just as the syhleti boys should also do the same. Then this question of who is responsible for dowry in Silchar will not arise. syhleti girls and boys should tell their parents to go into history and inbibe the values of a progressive syhlleti society which talked about equality in terms of gender, tolerance, non-violence. This should be inculcated.
I strongly urge you to write on such issues in reader list online discussion list at www.sarai.net
Sarai is a media programme of CSDS based in Delhi.
You can subscribe to the reader list by going to the LIST section of sarai.net and then clicking reader-list.
Bye for now
Cheers
Sagnik  Chakravartty
Delhi
[quote author=Ratna link=board=0011&num=1011795946&start=15#27 date=07/27/02 at 06:30:47]
Hi:

Though a difficult subject to talk about but in my openion Girls are partly responsible for the continutiaion of dowry system till now.

I just would like to ask the Female gender...........is it absolutely necessary to get married?

Is it worth to put your family through such worries and anguish just to get married and get nothing out of it.

If a person  is not man enough to have you as your partner ............should not we fell sick of such individuals.
[/quote]  
 
female guest
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 09/19/02 at 03:12:10 »		   
sylheti marriages they say, is without dowry, but not really. They have this sweet way of asking, the grooms family comes up with this kind of thing "apnar ja iccha dein je". And usually it doesn't stay this way, they have huge expectations. There is a standard way of meeting their needs, usually with furnitures, cash, not to mention tons of gold. Only if we could stand against this.  
 
Monohar
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 10/06/02 at 13:55:08 »		   
Dekhore Bhai,
             mai babai puare manush koroin duita joutuk paibar lagiya, aar tumra itar biruddhe lagiya janamat tayar karitray.
Bape maye aar to kunta korto naa. Ek kam koro, pora shuna harilao aage, tar bade joutuk lou aar na lou dekha jaibo.
             Kun puai magna maal paibar asha chhari dibo ? Ola betain achhoin nee ? Ota jodi dui ekta desho thhakto tobe bahut meyer biya emne hoi jaito. Eta hoilo beta hoklor buddhi.
Apnara hoklor,
  Monohar  
 
subrata
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 10/08/02 at 07:13:01 »		   
:D

Suno re ba,

Dowry is necessary in today's circumstances.

Unemployment is prelevant, moreso people who have secured jobs are losing their jobs at the whims and fancies of the Central and the State Government, and it must be provided to every man of marraigeable age with the bride, but only from those who can afford it or from people with enough kala faisa, so that the new couple can start a business of their own, but over abusing this may lead to some other consequences and neither this should be forced on some father having prospective bride.  
 
DIPANKARPAUL
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 10/08/02 at 07:37:10 »		   
>:( DOWRY IS A CURSE IN OUR SOCIETY.I AM VERY MUCH ASTONISHED THAT HOW PEOPLE IN OUR COUNTRY CAN MAKE OR DARE TO MAKE MOCKERY OF WOMANHOOD.
IN OUR HINDU SOCIETY , PEOPLE USES TRADITIONS AND RITUALS AT THIER CONVINIENT MEANS.ACCORDING TO HINDU LAWS DOWRY IS UNLAWFUL AND PUNISHABLE  AND A SHAME TO OUR INDIAN SOCIETY.
STILL THESE DAYS DOWRY IS PREVELENT AND IN SOME PLACES LIKE BIHAR AND SOUTHERN STATES PEOPLE SETS DOWRY LEVEL AS A STATUS SYMBOL.
AS A SILCHARIAN I OPPOSE DOWRY AND ALSO APPEAL TO THE YOUNG GENERATION TO PREVENT IT.  
 

beatles
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 10/28/02 at 17:29:37 »		   
Now stop lamenting over so called "DOWRY".Let's(girls) turn the table on the other side....
In this generation,boys ought to offer dowry to the bride's family..isnt this  appreciatin' guys  ;)
What the heck in taking money from the girl's side..try to be real MAN..paisa do mat lo.... :P  
 
PaulBabu
PaulBabu
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 10/29/02 at 02:25:01 »		   
Now, here we are talking about reality...

What do we do to abolish this evil...
I guess the first person and the best person to stand upto this should be the girl. After all, its a crime, yeah, i would call it a crime, being perpetrated against the girl. And it has to start with urban girls, girls from middle class families and the like. But very rarely I see anyone protesting. U can no longer take it lying down. Fight it, And I bet, there would be a lot of guys who would be willing to stand by her. The onus is on the 'Kanya'.  
 
BIJOY RANJAN DEY ( nri )
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 12/06/02 at 09:49:00 »		   
:o  brd_official@rediffmail.com     ::)

Teenagers confession about Miss Black Rose.


I used to be very naughty kid, a spoiled one. I was numero-uno in both deeds and misdeeds . Hardly a day passed by when I would not be entertained by the sticks rather than the carrots. There were teachers, who vehemently, projected themselves to be the ‘clean-indian-woman’. Always in saris and binds, they used to boast around about Indian culture and Indianness. And these were the same ones about whom we would, out of blue, one sudden day hear to have got married to the teacher who too stayed in the same school hostel accommodation provided by the school authority.

And I guess we were just too little young ones in class IX and X, to have understood about the ‘source’ of this companionship. A school too far away from the main town on the outskirts, located 500-600 meters away from the main road (national highway), surrounded by paddy fields on all then four sides, too many shady trees all around .
The compound, mostly inaccessible and invisible after dark. All these ingedrients provided the ideal blend for a perfect romance to build up. And who the hell needs a bed and a room to fulfill the sexual gratification, if one has the plush green grass carpet and the open sky. And a bonus in the form of cool breeze all around because miles and miles on either side of the compound had only paddy fields and not even a single soul to bother you in your expedition to explore the lusty avenues!

And here was a lady from Punjab, married to some engineer and settled here in my town. She was dark,slim,had a well tuned waist,long legs,well groomed long hair,perfect beauty parlour toned eyebrows, thick eye lashes, and above all the dazzling ,starry,misty,almond shaped wide and broad eyes . The lips she had  would give  all those Madonna’s,  Lopez(s),Mariah Carays, Sonali bendres, Madhu Sapres…………..run for their money  and  could even give a guy  high of his life time ! She had one thing in her which no other lady teacher in our school had , and it was her  I-don’t-give-a-damn-to-you attitude in the looks , in her words,in her actions and above all in her dress.

And coming to talk of dresses ,  I will never forget the record breaking initial 14 days of her in our  school,when she came  to the school full of sari clad teachers , in breathe taking body hugging dresses, exposing  her well tuned figure  to the envy of the rest of the lady teachers. Till the time she had happened to us, we were bored of seeing sari-clad ‘mams’ ( whom we were supposed to address as DIDI  according to the school rules. And till date I haven’t been able to understand the rational behind this.) an  occasional exposure of the midriff, an accidental fall of the Sari pallu  in the sudden breeze that used to be so rampant because of the  open  space all around  and the consequential throbbing  out of the cleavage were the  LITTLE   THINGS  that we used to get  to see and remain  contended.
And here was Miss Black Rose  ( I had nick named her ).  
Sexy , suave, sleek, poised, affluent, seductive, knowledgeable, intelligent, very human, and above all not  a hypocrite. She knew since she was dark complexed, she was suppose to wear  those kind of dresses to get noticed. And I guess there was no wrong in it .   and why should there be any wrong in it ? she had the perfect figure – the one which might give Tom cruise to rethink about Nicole Kidman. Honestly speaking I used to   adore  her . Not because she was beautiful and sexy,but because she was very different from the rest. One could very well  figure her out in a crowd  of  females. Always better than the rest. She was the only one in my life time (still) who used to pronounce my name exactly the way it should be. Punishment to me was like a routine or rather sine-qua-non sort of thing. Come to think of it. The day I wouldn’t get punished, I would fell vey much suffocated as if I ‘m missing something most essential to survive. Something like air.

She never punished me . Never. She used to teach us chemistry and botany. Chemistry was fine with me. But the latter somehow didn’t  give me enough of the impetus to care more for the subject. Miss Black Rose, used to give me a very fishy smile, call me by my name and then in her polite enriched continental English accent say “ I know you are naughty. You get  a lot of the canning   and fumes from the rest of the teachers . I think you already  get so much from the rest that I don’t find any reason to give you more. But I know you are intelligent as well. And I know if your work hard you can be there –at the TOP. Even  though I was a naughty, spoiled one at my school, but I was equally good in my studies. And I know, one day you will make it to there at the top. Next time study hard and answer my questions. Ok ?  No need to get so  scared , so tensed or hypered. So what if you weren’t able to answer this time. There is always a next time u know.”
These words still remain my most memorable ones. Not because it was spoken by Miss Black Rose in continental accent. Not because the words were so soothing. Not because she didn’t beat me up. But only because she was the one who  knew how to be kind and  human.

This little gesture of her was enough motivation for me. So I decided I would take up tuitions with her at her house. Unlike rest of the  indian-culture-rich  sari-clad  lady teachers ( who were so mad after money that they hardly had enough time to teach their own children,because they were too tied down with coaching classes in their make shift coaching centers at the home ) , Miss Black Rose  wasn’t greedy at all. When I approached her for the tuition’s she initially was hesitant. and she was very honest to give the reason of her denial to take up tuitions at home. She replied with honesty that  I want  some time for me and my family.

But seeing my enthusiasm and zeal , she agreed. And it was only when I reached her residence, did I realise why she had been refusing the tuition’s. Coz she knew how to life a live completely. Coz she knew how to enjoy the small things in life .  Coz she knew how to live each moment of life to the fullest. Coz she knew she had an adorable husband back home and she wanted to spend time with him and in the way she wanted.

With the knock on the door, came out Miss Black Rose. In a transparent  knee-length sleeveless  nighty ! She had an amazing sense of colours .and variant moods . It was a  light  sky blue nighty with the perfectly done  embroidery in it. She had wore  a  dark , perhaps black , panty and no bras  at all ! Her hairs were wet. Her   henna  colored hairs were so soft.  And no , I didn’t touch it.  One can guess it  if he only knows how to ! With the long  spread out hairs  stretching out to the  naval at the front, and  the wetty ones at that, she was looking more gorgeous than ever before. Without those customary lipsticks,her lips were now looking more juicy , seductive,  sexy and appealing than with lipsticks. If  there was any trace of make up, well she just had a bindi and the lines drawn with a  eye liner on her eye lashes .  That  picture of her on that  drizzling Saturday  evening, still remains my one of the  sexiest woman that I have ever encountered in my life so far.

She opened the door.Greeted all of us four guys. Asked us to come in and have our sit. I think
We were at the wrong place  at  the wrong time.This was what I had thought  the moment I entered the room and could smell a very puffy smell . Till the time I saw the two glasses of whisky on the floor beside the mattress. It had two pillows on it. And the bedsheet looked too clumsy just as it looks when we wake up early in the morning from the bed . More shockingly, I noticed a pack of condoms and two used ones with the fluid scattered all around those.She excused herself ,picked both the glasses of half left over whisky,mattress , the pack if unused condoms and went inside .When she come out after few minutes , she was in her usual body hugging salwar.

Well in those days , I guess I was too young to undertsand what is called personal life. Now looking back at this incident, I feel so much to like Miss. Black Rose ,so much to respect her, so much to learn from her how to be my-self, so much to know from her …….about nothing else---
But how she managed to be so cool during the whole ordeal. In normal circumstances, any female would have preferred to do just the reverse of what she did. Yet , here she was . The one who has no qualms , no brooding, no hypocrisies instituted in her veins. Jus plain freedom of being myself. Just living her life in her own terms . It was her house . It was her husband with whom she was having sex. It was their money with which they had bought the whisky. It was their knowledge how to have safe sex using the condoms. It was their good time they were rejoicing, without bothering anyone and without  breaking any of the rules of the god damn SOCIETY ! And doing so , why the hell should they fell ashamed and of whom ?

I have never seen any female wearing so high heel shoes like she did ( I was told it is called pencil heel ) I didnt see any bold teacher like her who refused to wear sari and come to school only because the culture police of the  school  didn’t like it or approve it. Or simply because the school authorities didn’t like her as an odd –man-out  in the horde of sari clad female teachers.
I didn’t see in my twelve years of schooling in that school, a teacher who refused to fold hands for the prayer, ‘coz, I believe she had her own  way to be close to god. Moreover none of the  spiritual or the mythological  epics makes it compulsory to  fold hands to show respect to god. What it needs is the sincerity with which one prays . And she had that sincerity in abundance.  Its only that the authorities quite didn’t  like someone breaking and defying their  conventional rules. I had many a times found her closing her eyes during prayers , but folding her hands …..never.  She was the only teacher whom I saw spending her idle time in the library reading books after books ,whereas the rest of the indian-culture-rich  sari clad bunch preferred  idle gossiping ( some even brought their knitting gears and the accessories , and were very often found busy idle gossiping and sewing the sweater  for their  hubby and kids )

Looking retrospectively, I often wonder , how she managed to gather the courage to be different .

As  G . B . Shaw had put . HE WHO CAN; does  HE WHO CANNOT; preaches !




  
 
silcharor_maiya
silcharor_maiya
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 12/06/02 at 11:36:23 »		   
sabhdhan...BIJOY RANJAN DEY >:( >:( >:(
TUMAR SHESH GHONAIYA AAISE...TUMAR EI PHALTUMIR KHOBOR TUMARE MRITTU MUKHE LOIA JAR KINTU..OTO FRUSTRATED HOIA TUMI BULE HOKKOLTI PAGE O TUMAR MS.BLACK ROSE RE PASTE KORI DISO.. ITA DEKHIA ASSAM POLIC E BHABSIL TUMARE JAIL O PURTO KINTU JANATAI KOILO TUMAR JAIGA JAIL NAI PAGLA GAROD..ITAR LAGI TUMARE TEZPUR PATHAITE(nearest mental hospital)..tumar barir manusher kita hoibo?????aar Ms.black rose er kita hoibo????? :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(  
 
bijon er ma
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 12/07/02 at 01:31:02 »		   
oi rey bijon
aye aye
taratari aye
mujra korat jairam sodorghator bridge o
taratari aye...tuin kail o mijra korat gesot na are ami to ma hoiya ekla ekla mujra korsi
joldi aye naile poisa paitena  

  
 
BIJOY RANJAN DEY (nri)
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 12/14/02 at 21:50:43 »		   
silchaor or maiya...........suno ray ba....

ami nu SHNGHAIet asi ray ba..........duniyar shobsay boro pagol ghor ray baaa.............tezpur nu desi hoi jaibo ray baaa.......FOREIGN ray baaaaaaa........bujho nani ray baaa.......YEH DIL MANGE MOREEEEEEEEEE..........tumar kita bichar ray ?? thick nani??  
 
silcharor_maiya
silcharor_maiya
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 12/15/02 at 09:23:20 »		   
bijoy ranjan dey(NRI)
first of all aar guest na thakia member hoi jao mahaadda't karon silchar.com is very modest ikhano amra pagol rareo jaiga dei ei pagol desi houk ba bideshi houk..... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D  
 

asitida
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 12/15/02 at 22:42:02 »		   
Sylhetis having doubt about abolishing dowry is a little unexpected affair. We may not have our homeland, but our young generation is not a species of parasites. This is what I strongly believe. Present society consists of nuclear families. The responsibility of family upbringing lies on both the husband and wife. It is not the responsibility of a parent to establish the family of the offspring. This deplorable social evil can not be eradicated by Law alone. A strong sense of self respect in both the bride and the groom is required. The couple must stand against it together.

Now comes the NRI issue which is turning to be a little serious. I think we should not take things that lightly.

Shriman Bijoy Narayan Dey.. please note that you are taking advantage of an open publication. This is a public domain. This page is read by nonsylheti's also [ I proudly tell my friends..non sylhetis and non Bengalis to visit]. Why are you behaving like "ATHHAIL". Don't you have any thing else to think about?  
 
The Oracle
Guest
Re: marriage dowry; abolish or continue?  
«on: 05/08/03 at 12:24:22 »		   
hi all...I wanted to make a very serious suggestion in this regard.
Kindly deliberate on it very seriously and thoughtfully.
See...dowry indeed is a social evil that we have been encountering for long. My suggestion to this issue is

ABOLISH MARRIAGE...dowry will automatically perish then
naa rahega bashh naa bajegii bansuri ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I am sure all of you will cnsider this. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)  
 
 
 

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