i_am_amnesiac
i_am_amnesiac
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Share Jokes
«on:
07/23/05 at 17:57:30 » |
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As the last thread on jokes has been deleted, so I am starting a new one. Share the jokes here and help everyone to laugh. It will help in controlling anger! ;D Remember Munnabhai MBBS? ;D
Ok, here's one -
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to American hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the American devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day". The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the Australian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the American hell.Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells. Why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asked the man.
"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Indian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business." ;)
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Shankar_Chakravarti
Shankar_Chakravart
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/23/05 at 19:28:14 » |
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Nice one, i_am_amnesiac. ;D ;D
In am also copy / pasting some jokes. :D
One Bengali is a poet
Two Bengalis is a film society
Three Bengalis is a political party
Four Bengalis is two political parties
One Punjabi is a 100 kg hulk named Pinky
Two Punjabis is a Pinky with his brother Twinky
Three Punjabis is an assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds
Four Punjabis is a combined IQ equal to one Tam-Brahm
One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad
Three Biharis is a caste killing
Four Biharis is the entire literate population of Patna
One Mallu is a coconut stall
Two Mallus is a boat race
Three Mallus is a Gulf job racket
Four Mallus is an oil slick
One UP bhaiyya is a milkman
Two UP bhaiyyas is a halwai shop
Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly
Four UP bhaiyyas is a mosque-destruction squad
One Gujju is a share-broker in a Bombay train
Two Gujjus is a rummy game in a Bombay train
Three Gujjus is a Rs. 10-crore sprocket manufacturing business
Four Gujjus is an all-night dandia-raas session
One Andhraite is a chilli farmer
Two Andhraites is a software company in New Jersey
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit
Four Andhraites is a song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie
One Kashmiri is a carpet salesman
Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory
Three Kashmiris is a terrorist outfit
Four Kashmiris is a shoot-at-sight order
One Tam-Brahm is a priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple
Two Tam-Brahms is a maths tuition class
Three Tam-Brahms is a queue outside the U.S. consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms is a Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
One Bombayite is a footpath vada-pau stall
Two Bombayites is a film studio
Three Bombayites is a slum
Four Bombayites is the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour
One Sindhi is a currency racket
Two Sindhis is a papad factory
Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop
Four Sindhis is the Hong Kong Retail Traders Association
One Marwari is the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator
Two Marwaris own 50% of Calcutta
Three Marwaris can finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis
Four Marwaris will threaten the Jews as a community
One U.S. Desi is a software guy
Two U.S. Desis is a lunch group at work
Three U.S. Desis is a bitching session about the U.S.
Four U.S. Desis is four software guys, heating tamarind rice in the office microwave, cooked that morning, in their shared one bedroom apartment, and bitching about life in the U.S.
To quote Homer: "It's funny cuz it's true..."
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i_am_amnesiac
i_am_amnesiac
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/23/05 at 20:01:33 » |
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Some more -
1. Jack & Jill (Laloo & Rabri ishtyle) (I had read it in TOI after the chara ghotala and it sticked to my mind)
Laloo & Rabri, went up the pahari
To fetch a bail of courter
Laloo fell down and lost his crown
And Rabri reigned ever after.
2. Porikkha chaler iskool-o. Dui bondhu, tara parikkha der Itihaas (history, for benefit of those souls who are convent educated ;D )
Question aise Sher Shah-er obodaan kita kita asil. Te prothom jone ota porsena. Hey dui nombor jonre jigailo itar answer kita hoibo. Bondhu-e koilo duita point jaani, ou duita lekhi laa. Ek no. taain grand trunk road banaisla ar dui no. taain ghurar daaker (postal system) procholon korsila. Bondhur kotha sunia prothom jone loge loge likha arambha korlo -
"Sher Shah ekjon oti dayalu samrat asla. Pashu paakhir dukkhe taan mon kaandto. Taain taraar dukkho dur korar lagiya onek chesta korsoin. Taain raja howar aagey porjonto ghura-ra boba asil. Taara daakte paartona. Sher Shah taraar dukkhe katar hoia taaraare daakte shikhaisla. Tokhon thakiai ghuraguli Chinhi Chinhi koria daakte shikhe. Ar ghurar hresharab kothata bangla dictionary-t jaiga koria loi." ;D ;D |
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Hakuna Matata
TIMON
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/26/05 at 01:13:02 » |
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Who works for India ??????
The population of India is 100 crores - ie. 100,00,00,000
But 19 crores are retired. ie. 19,00,00,000
That leaves 81 crores do the work. 81,00,00,000
There are 25 crores in school, - 25,00,00,000
Which leaves 56 crores to do the work. - 56,00,00,000
Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Govt, 22,00,00,000
Leaving 34 crores to do the work.- 34,00,00,000
4 crores are in the Armed Forces, - 4,00,00,000
Which leaves 30 crores to do the work. - 30,00,00,0 00
Take away from above total the 20 crores people work For State
Governments (State Government employees officially do not work!)
20,00,00,000
And that leaves 10 crores to do the work.- 10,00,00,000
Total unemployed are 8 crores - 8,00,00,000
And that leaves 2 crores to do the work. - 2,00,00,000
At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals, 1,20,00,000
Leaving 80 lakhs to do the work.- 80,00,000
Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute, there are 79,99,998
people in prisons throughout the country. -79,99,998
That leaves just 2 people to do the work....... 2 :You and me!!! And
currently 'YOU' are sitting at your computer reading mails.
So I am the only person in our country who is working!
And that's why India is surviving!!!
Only ME is WORKING!!;D |
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Shankar_Chakravarti
Shankar_Chakravart
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/27/05 at 13:23:25 » |
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[quote author=Shankar_Chakravarti link=board=0011&num=1122114450&start=0#1 date=07/23/05 at 19:28:14]
Nice one, i_am_amnesiac. ;D ;D
In am also copy / pasting some jokes. :D
One Bengali is a poet
Two Bengalis is a film society
Three Bengalis is a political party
Four Bengalis is two political parties
[/quote]
Like this, I was looking for a Sylhetti charecterisation for this 1,2,3,4 poem. ;D Someone should come up with true Sylhetti characteristics ( good and bad) and proper humor to complete the poem. We have lot of talented poets and poetesses here. Come on, try hard . Start
One Sylhetti is …….
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asiti
asiti
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/27/05 at 14:59:37 » |
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One Sylheti is phaan [paan]
Two Sylheti aro beshi Phaan
Three Sylheti Shidol chinta
Four Sylheti...HAUKAL |
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mon_amar
mon_amar
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/29/05 at 06:05:03 » |
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[quote author=asiti link=board=0011&num=1122114450&start=0#5 date=07/27/05 at 14:59:37]
One Sylheti is phaan [paan]
Two Sylheti aro beshi Phaan
Three Sylheti Shidol chinta
Four Sylheti...HAUKAL
[/quote]
Buchhina asitida ??? |
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i_am_amnesiac
i_am_amnesiac
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/29/05 at 15:30:08 » |
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Borrowing asitida's idea -
Ek sylheti is paan
Dui sylheti is paaner dukan
Tin sylheti is adda
Chair sylheti is maach bajarer aukal |
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asiti
asiti
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/29/05 at 18:04:00 » |
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;D Ita bhala lekhso...farfar better |
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brown_eyes
brown_eyes
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/29/05 at 21:51:42 » |
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Ektu modify korar dhrishtota kortaam ni bhabiyaar.Asitida aar i_am_amnesiac er lekhare milai dei. kita kow?
EK SYLHETI SHIDOL BAJAR JAIN
DUI SYLHETI SHIDOL ER PORE PAAN KHAIN.
TIN SYLHETI ADDA DEIN SOMAAN TAALE,
CHAIR SYLHETIR SOMABESH BUJHA JAY HAUKALE.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
i_am_amnesiac da,
Shidol chhara Sylheti rare chinta kora jaay naa mono koriya lekhlaam.Kharap paile delete kori dimu ne.
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confused
confused
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/30/05 at 07:49:44 » |
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[quote author=Shankar_Chakravarti link=board=0011&num=1122114450&start=0#1 date=07/23/05 at 19:28:14]
One UP bhaiyya is a milkman
Two UP bhaiyyas is a halwai shop
Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly
Four UP bhaiyyas is a mosque-destruction squad
[/quote]
"Bhaiya" koya loiya amra ekta bhala experience ase. Gesi bombet. Giya ekjoner barit jaitam. te rastat ekta manus re gigailam, "Bhaiya ei addres ta kano?" Manusta bhison khepi gelo, koilo, "sala, bhaiya bolta hain? Mein tere ko bhaiya dektha hun kya?" Pore sunlam UPwala ra re bombet bhaiya kowa hoi ;D
Question:
what is the similarity between a s/w professional and a begger who works at a railway station? |
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Shankar_Chakravarti
Shankar_Chakravart
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/30/05 at 11:52:54 » |
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[quote author=confused link=board=0011&num=1122114450&start=0#10 date=07/30/05 at 07:49:44]
Question:
what is the similarity between a s/w professional and a begger who works at a railway station?
[/quote]
1) Both are eagerly waiting for mail ( either email or mail train)
2) They don’t have a fixed working hours, always “ On Demand ” from customer.
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asiti
asiti
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/30/05 at 12:59:04 » |
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[quote author=brown_eyes link=board=0011&num=1122114450&start=0#9 date=07/29/05 at 21:51:42]
Ektu modify korar dhrishtota kortaam ni bhabiyaar.Asitida aar i_am_amnesiac er lekhare milai dei. kita kow?
EK SYLHETI SHIDOL BAJAR JAIN
DUI SYLHETI SHIDOL ER PORE PAAN KHAIN.
TIN SYLHETI ADDA DEIN SOMAAN TAALE,
CHAIR SYLHETIR SOMABESH BUJHA JAY HAUKALE.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
i_am_amnesiac da,
Shidol chhara Sylheti rare chinta kora jaay naa mono koriya lekhlaam.Kharap paile delete kori dimu ne.
[/quote]
Jai Ho...Jai Ho...Yaalgar Ho......Fantastic hoise...Bravo Brown
By the way..Shillong [NEHU] gechhlam dui dinor lagi official kaaje....Kaajor kaaj korchhi..250 gm Shidol loia aichhi ;D |
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i_am_amnesiac
i_am_amnesiac
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/30/05 at 14:45:20 » |
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[quote author=brown_eyes link=board=0011&num=1122114450&start=0#9 date=07/29/05 at 21:51:42]
Ektu modify korar dhrishtota kortaam ni bhabiyaar.Asitida aar i_am_amnesiac er lekhare milai dei. kita kow?
EK SYLHETI SHIDOL BAJAR JAIN
DUI SYLHETI SHIDOL ER PORE PAAN KHAIN.
TIN SYLHETI ADDA DEIN SOMAAN TAALE,
CHAIR SYLHETIR SOMABESH BUJHA JAY HAUKALE.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
i_am_amnesiac da,
Shidol chhara Sylheti rare chinta kora jaay naa mono koriya lekhlaam.Kharap paile delete kori dimu ne.
[/quote]
Udaam hoise. kintu ghotona hoilo ono sobey oto dravid-er moto back and across stance loiya backfoot defensive khela arambho korlai je? LP hoi jawar chance ase. ami nijei itar sarthok udahoron. 1997 thakia aaij porjonto amar total score hoilo 2. |
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confused
confused
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
07/31/05 at 03:15:19 » |
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[quote author=Shankar_Chakravarti link=board=0011&num=1122114450&start=0#11 date=07/30/05 at 11:52:54]
1) Both are eagerly waiting for mail ( either email or mail train)
2) They don’t have a fixed working hours, always “ On Demand ” from customer.
[/quote]
Good try Shankarda. But the answer is: "they always ask which platform are you working?" ;D |
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Hakuna Matata
TIMON
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
08/01/05 at 22:15:58 » |
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Dont underestimate them!!!!
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but befo! re he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said,
"Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!
;D |
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mon_amar
mon_amar
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
08/13/05 at 01:59:54 » |
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Received an email today: 8)
Check out!
Types Of Girls
HARD-DISK Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to a! ccess.
SERVER Girls:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.........
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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krishanu_bhattjee
krishanu_bhattjee
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Re: Share Jokes
«on:
08/13/05 at 20:51:21 » |
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that was maazing and so true. gr8
ok, okhon anmi ekta shunai. India's Pappu UK gesey boarding school ey portey. tar thakar jaiga hoise School Main Hostel Roomey.
1 mash porey Pappu r mammy gesoin pappur songey dekha kortey
Mommy: Pappu, Porashuna thik rthak choler to? English student der songey kunu osubidha hor na to?
Pappu: Mowmmy, tehy are so terrible aar noisy people,amar life hell hoi gelo. Pasher chele te sa rat khali dewal ey matha thookey aar thamtey ei chay na. AAr oi pasher chele ta sara raait shudhu poritrahi chitkar korey, aartonad korey, jani na ki dukkho bookey nia ekhaney aaisey..
Mommy: O amar pappu shona, how do you live with these jogonno osovvyo englsih students.
Pappu: Ami to kichhu kori na, shudhu choop chap ignore kori tara rey. aar amar shanai bajai..
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