prabasiboy
prabasiboy
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Nostalgia - an update
«on:
02/24/05 at 00:05:33 » |
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Early morning - this is going to be a perfect day - not much work - catch up time. So guys and gals you get the next update. Needs a little background:
I always dreamt of a perfect romance. In our time, perhaps Silchar was a too small, too conservative or even a too backward little town where things did not really happen much. We were deeply envious of the folks in Holy Cross which had a good reputation of budding romances but who knew what went on there. During the annual cricket tournament at the DSA grounds when our school would mercilessly thrash those from the Holy Cross - we would be so happy - guys you can romance around but can not play cricket!
We used to live in the middle class area of Silchar - under constant surveillance of parents and guradians and I had the added disadvantage of having an elder brother. There were few girls in the neighborhood who appeared approachable but nothing much happened beyond some back and forth jokes and comments during the nightly theater during the puja times. I did not have the exposure to many cousins so the chances of networking was not much.On at least two occassions I had to silently back down because my elder brother was interested too.
But the time was not all lost. I had my group of way-ward friends who knew more than they should about sexuality and did not mind telling the eager ones about it. In my family not many knew about books and I had a free acesss to all the books that I could lay my hands on. Some of the books by Sunil et al were quite detailed and explanatory and left not much to imagination. With all these I was growing precociously and quite early learned to differetiate the needs of the body and the mind.
Then came GC college. with a more than expected result at the 10th class - I was suddenly quite reputed - but struggled to maintain my academic superiority against some very stiff competition from other guys. I was not as good in math as I appeared or expected to be and the science stream was full of math - I was weary of loosing it. So GC college was a missed opportunity - retrospectively I should have done better in romancing. I had my share of experiences and there were few relationships which promised to bloom - but did not. I guess I was still learning. I had a cousin sister almost my age who at that time moved to Silchar from calcutta and that was a very turning point from me. She was bright, good looking, friendly and did not mind to share her secrets with me. During the gap between the 12th class and medical school, she introduced me to quite a few her of her friends to me who were as impressive as her. So by the time I entered medical school, I was well-trained and ready to go.
In medical school, I had a dismal performance. My roommate (who was in the class as of mine) had a perfect romance- they were a pair right from the first day. In professional schools it is important to try to pair up early in your career. Of most, it makes true sense in terms of future planning - and financially it is the best investment. My first proposal to one of my batchmates ended up in a standstill. To be honest even now I think she was great - I still do not why she did not respond - I was by far the most attractive guy in the whole school - was bright, intelligent, assured future and all. I am sure if I could roll the times down and replay the events -she would choose differently - but alas I can not. The even was not short lived - although it was an initial no - I persued relentlessly, became friendly to her parents - in deed became a good friend with her over the years. When I left medical school to settle for higher studies in North India she came to see me off in the Railway station and told me the last words I still remember: " you will forget me soon'. Even today I did not. later I came to know she had a torrid affair with one our senior boys who for god's grace was a dull boy a typical one from Hailakandi. I maintained contact with her parents even after that but disengaged politey when her mother wrote to my mother proprosing her younger daughter for me. She is now in upper Assam hapilly married, lives in a remote tea garden - what a life for a girl from St Mary's who coming from the high-nosed upper class affluent Shillong society would often mock at the syletthi folks of Silchar. I wonder if she regrets her decision, She probably does.
So after this bitter experience - I played life like the seventh down in the loosing Pakistani cricket team in 49th over - lunge at every ball that comes your way- by the end of a year I had proposed three girls in my batch and 2 from the junior batch and had an ongoing relationship with a senior. As if I had a go-down list if not number 1 and then try number two and so on. Some of them clicked - most did not - I never felt anything. Far away from perfect romance - but it was fun too: interesting encounters, reputation as a play boy - gossip person in the lady's hostel.
My most memorable affair - There was another girl in my junior batch - I proposed her in a whiff within her first month in the school. She made a mistake- agreed too happily and immediately I lost all interest in her. Every weekend would become a hiding game from me - the peon from the lady's hostel was her obedient servant who would track me down anywhere I go. She met my parents without telling me about it and worst of all my mother liked her. She was a very good looking well-endowed rich girl - her family owned big business in Burrabazaar in Shillong. I was scared - and fast put a stop to it. One day in the dilapidated medical school bus that would pick up students on saturday night from the civil hospital, after a good drink at Send-off, drwoned in the din of the Diesel engine I told her point blank - sorry it was all over - and I do not like her any more. She had tears in her eyes but did not say anything more. She left the college next day went home - while the classes were on . I was worried stiff - lest she does commit something stupid. She did come back two weeks later - life went on. I never spoke to her again except the day I was finally leaving - she congratulated me on my admission in the prestigoius institute in N. India and gave a gift of a Parker pen. I never stayed in touch with her - i do not know where she is - a google search turned up junk. If there was one mistake that I would like to corect in my life that would be the one - in my insenstiveness I had hurt her. Sometime I think life is a fair game - you get hurt and then you go out and hurt the next one. Keep counting just to make sure the balance sheet is even at the end.
I know these episodes probaly happen in everybody's life and some of you would wonder what's different with me. Nothing really - but sometime think about those episode - picture yourself as a third person and relive the events - you will enjoy it and may be learn from it. The mastication center in hypothalamus of our brain is very close to the satiety/reward center! Even catle know it they do it all the time!
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